Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
