i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
handjob tips. give me some.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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