p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
