Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
