I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
