he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
