hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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