Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love having hate sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
