Im at strip club and am horny
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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