It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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