the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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