he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
