i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize