It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
