Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Four minutes until I can fart!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
