My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
