So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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