finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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