I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dear god my vagina.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
