Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
