You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
