I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
