Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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