can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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