My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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