can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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