shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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