The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
