You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
