I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
