I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
