You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize