She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
this is an emotional support booty call
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
