Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
