I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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