I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
