i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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