she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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