yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
