well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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