Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
