I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
