did you get engaged???
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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