Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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