So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
