it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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