i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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