My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
