I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
