But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I checked into jail on foursquare
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
