We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
