She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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