You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
