Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
