I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
