If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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