You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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