You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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