He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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