Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You are the jesus of drinking
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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