Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
