Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i drank out of a bidet.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
