Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
