her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
where are my eyebrows?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
