There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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