Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
