it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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