I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
