we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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