i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
